Blogging

Do you feel like you should blog? I ask myself that same question. I recently read a Twitter post by a colleague suggesting that you should blog only if you are passionate about what you are blogging about. My wife heard me talking through that statement, and said "What if you just have something to say and there's not necessarily passion in that subject?" That is pretty much the gist of what she said anyway. I thought "Yeah, what if." I do not feel the same way in that passion is the only reason to blog. Maybe I just need to write something down to get it out of my head. Maybe I just need to deliver a message. Maybe I have learned something the hard way, and now I want someone else, in the masses, to read it and say "Yeah, I get that too. I understand." Maybe I just want to put one foot in front of the other, and carry on when I would rather just throw my hands up in the air and throw myself a good old fashioned pity party.

I saw a de-motivational poster once that has stuck with me, and it bothered me then and still bothers me. It also bothers me that something like an image, meant to be funny, has stuck with me for so long in the context I see it in. Bottom line, it just plain bothers me. On despair.com, there is a poster titled "Mistakes", and the caption reads "It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others." Wow! It even bothers me to type it. Could you accept that? Do you want to be known as a warning to others in any capacity? I have to admit, that is a fear of mine.

I am in a unique position to mentor others. It is a valuable position, one that I do not dismiss or take for granted, and when I find myself in tough circumstances where I do not feel like encouraging others or building others up or teaching others for their own benefit, it is that much harder to perform in that capacity. What to do. Do I just let raw emotion prevail and blast venom and negativity out all over any willing listener? After all, misery loves company, right? How does The National Enquirer stay in business if that is not true? When others are lifted up and elevated higher than ourselves, don't we all get a little satisfaction in their failures or mistakes? If you do, have you ever admitted it? I have an ugly streak that runs through me, and would be embarrassing and humiliating for that ugliness to become public for any one to see. Am I so different than any one else in that regard? My note is full of rhetorical questions. Questions I do not have the answers for either. These are the things, that are not written with passion, that seem to be leading me to write.

I suppose there are times when you hear something or see something you do not like that forces you to fall back on basic character traits in order to continue putting one foot in front of the other. I am stubborn. I am willing to fight just about any fight if the fight is just. Injustice is a HUGE pet-peeve of mine. I have a very difficult time these days watching the news programs on television. I even have extreme difficulty reading news on the internet or reading emails sent to me that deal with a sensitive subject that truly does matter. The reason? Those things tend to make me angry. A difference is something I have always thought I wanted to make in the world. In some ways, I feel like getting spun up on a subject that is just and right will just lead to further frustration because I believe I see the solution. I see it so clearly. It is obvious! Why doesn't everyone else see it??!! Get it? Good. Righteous anger is good, and it is the kind of anger that keeps good character motivated to find solutions. The problem with me is I end up letting injustice affect me far more than it should. That is just how I am wired.

As I said, I take my role as a mentor very seriously. I am responsible for raising a son and a daughter. I want justice for them in any and every situation. I am also responsible and entrusted by my company to make rational, level-headed choices and decisions to benefit colleagues and customers. When things do not go my way, which tends to happen when you are human, I do my very best not to let it affect those that I am responsible to mentor. I have no mistakes to admit or own up to here. Honestly, admitting mistakes here is not why I am writing. But, I surely do make my share of mistakes, and how I am choosing to react is one of those moments where I suppose I am serving as a warning to others. I flat out refuse to be a de-motivational joke!

A little while ago, I just put another footstep out in front of the other, and am focused on that one step at this particular moment. That one step made a difference, that I believe. That one step may have just been the single most important step I could have made today. I put away selfish desires for my own justice, and elevated someone else. Was it a hard pill to choke down? What do you think? Today was not promised to me. Today was a gift to me. My wife said recently that our generation is a generation full of "Lost boys." She did not mean it in a derogatory way toward me. She was stating something I believe to be true, and something that I want my son protected from or at least better equipped to handle. Her astute observation related to men today struggling with having to balance enormous pressures both at home and at work. Pressures to know who we are, to know *exactly* what we want to do with our lives, and pressures to know who, what, when where, why, and how at all times, at any cost, in any situation. Can you handle that kind of pressure? Pressures to perform in both capacities, at home and work, are enormous, to say the very least. It is as if we are expected to know how to handle those pressures without making mistakes. It is as though each of us were fully equipped with the knowledge or training on how to perform them before we were even born. Sometimes, I feel like I missed an important memo during pre-born training. Kind of like the way I feel about my Inbox when "important" email piles up into the hundreds of unread messages. Performing perfectly in a world where perfection is not attainable, but nevertheless expected, is overwhelming at times.

I often find it difficult to unplug from work, and immediately engage my role at home. In the past, I have had ample time to switch from one role to the other, but now, with the demands of my current work life, that buffer of time is almost non-existent. So one footstep at a time it shall be. I am not taking the month of June to adjust my tempo or my pace. I am not taking the second week of June or even this Wednesday to adjust. I am taking each moment, and doing my very best, which is not always good enough, to make each moment count for the better. I will not add injustice to injustice because I can not afford such behavior, and two wrongs do not make one right (oddly, they are making me write). I want my son to see his dad love his mom. To see his dad dote on his mom, hug his mom, speak kindly and complimentary to his mom. I want him to see his dad get up, go to work, take care of his family, and fight a good fight. I want my daughter to look for those traits in a future husband. Equipping them in these small ways will hopefully equip them to handle all the challenges they will surely one day face. I want my children and any one else I am entrusted to mentor to realize pressure will rise, they will make mistakes, and they will become better because of it all.

The word "if" comes to mind. "If I had unlimited time" or "If I had unlimited resources". Excuses will not help me in my role of mentor. One step in front of the last is the only option I have. Passion? Well, maybe I have passion. Maybe passion stirred up inside of me forced me to write this mess out, and try to assemble it in a coherent way for my own well-being. If not passion, then maybe just simply to serve as an example to others that mistakes are not always avoidable, and certainly not unhelpful to the one making them. The word mentor is defined as "a trusted friend, counselor or teacher, usually a more experienced person." A friend, counselor or teacher, or an experienced person are all good things. They almost all involve one common ingredient that make them great: mistakes.